Christian is someone I dated back in July, but I broke things off due to me being emotionally unstable to handle a relationship at the moment. I stopped talking to him and eventually forgot that I even knew him. I sent him a message on Monday to talk about what had happened and to tell him how I was very sorry how things ended and how they were handled back in July/August. I was expecting a cold response, but since he isn't a begrudging person, we actually had a great conversation. We agreed to go out to dinner that Wednesday. Wednesday came and the night went well over dinner. I was really happy that I had talked to him. I am finally so VERY ready to be with him. I had never realized how wonderful he is for/to me. For example, the other night when we were supposed to go and see a movie, we got into a bit of a disagreement and it was over quicker than it started. He is just so understanding of my mood and emotions, I don't know how he does it.
Today we had a talk about how I don't trust people very well. I know that we all have been through a lot and as far as trust goes, it's different for everyone. Christian is such a trusting and caring person, that he doesn't think twice about the things I dwell over most times. I over analyze all the time, more than I'd like to, really. I guess it is just harder for me because I'm still learning about people and how to weed out the bad ones when I see them rather than just have a permanent chip on my shoulder to keep people away from me. I assume that's where he and I differ, he trusts everyone and I trust no one. I told him that I am going to try my best to let my guard down for him, to show him that he is the one I want to be with, that he is the one that is right for me give all of my feelings to. He said it was a start, so I guess that's good. I miss him...
I get really frustrated with everything lately, so I've decided to start taking St. John Worts. Apparently they work wonders and I need to calm down. I just yell a lot and swear constantly. I always feel like I'm so angry over nothing, that the littlest things get on my nerves. I come home and I feel like everything I see makes me want to throw it across the house in a fitting rage. I try so hard not to mad or upset with things that aren't worth the energy, but sometimes fighting the urge makes it so much worse. I assume a lot of it has to do with stress. I'm really not excited about the 22nd. There's nothing I can do, it's going to get taken away and I'll be a burden for 45 days. I hate that feeling, the burden one.
I was reading Twilight today and I found a typo on page 120. Hahahaha.
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