Sew It Shut

Things have been very very... productive lately. I stopped blogging because I didn't have much to say about anything or anyone. 

I'm not even sure if I do right now. I'm writing because I just feel like writing. I've started to think about how much I care about certain things and how much I truly don't care about a lot of things. Will I ever care like I used to? When will enough coldness and hate be enough?

I'm not sure if those things will ever happen, but I do know the things I care about are what make me wake up in the morning and be who I need to be for whoever is still around.

I've started drawing more and trying to see art in more things, like I used to. Picking at my brain for inspiration is becoming easier with more things I see and how I interpret them.

Living on my own has given me this great feeling of an anvil being lifted off my chest, but now there is a large boulder in it's place. This boulder? The burden of rent, more bills, and worrying if my roommate is going to be pay rent this month.

Since getting my license back I have: Moved out, In the process of getting a third job, and have become more involved in my thoughts, creatively and emotionally.

The more I think about being with him for the rest of my life, the more I can actually picture it. He means the world to me, and no one knows but me, how truly loving and caring he is.

This surprises me because I don't remember the last time I smiled, laughed, and felt in love. It's like a whole new feeling. Why didn't I find this sooner? Why was I even trying to fight the feelings?

Oh right, because the asshole before him lied and lied and lied. Trust is hard to gain and give. Sealing the deal would mean forever. No turning back. Am I ready to become this one person's for the rest of our lives?

To grow old and be still in love has always been a dream of mine. Never falling out of love or ripping apart what two people have for one another, this is the step I'm willing to take for him.

This is shocking for me to say but... he is the air I breathe, the lungs in my chest, the blood in my veins and the heart pumping his love through every cell in my body.

I will never let this go. He is my everything. Will we be happy forever? Will our love ever die? I don't know, He doesn't know. But we do know that for as long as we're together, we belong to each other.

His soul fits mine.