Taking It To The Interwebs.

I'm a pretty frequent viewer of Craiglist ads for jobs, yard sales, books, and when the time comes that I am utterly bored out of my skull I sit and laugh at all of the desperate ads that men and women post on that site looking for "love and LTR's". So it comes as a surprise to me that so many men/women my age are looking for their soul mate on a site that sells old shoes and handmade furniture. There is nothing wrong with waiting for the love to come to you. It's becoming more obvious how depressed, hurt, and emotionally drained the dating circuit really is. They whine and complain about how they can't find the "right" person to share their life with. Why do they have to spend so much time looking? A lot of them are just lonely and old. So get a hooker for the night. That'll satisfy their needs for a few minutes.

Also another questioning matter is why do they all feel the need to take it to the internet? Have they ran out of resources, friends to kick it to, and phone numbers to call? The internet is the most impersonal, free place to be anyone you want to be, so why do these schmucks post their pictures and spill their heart and soul out to the world of the unknown hoping not to get hurt? It's all very pathetic and wait-and-see. Generally speaking, these 'internet relationships' never work... I've never once met a couple who were married and met on the internet. It all seems empty and unpromising.

How far are we willing to push ourselves and endure to find our 'soul mate'?.... I just sounded like Carrie Bradshaw.... weird.

I should stop watching so much Sex And The City..

Did you dream it?

I always dreamt of my wedding day, the big ceremony with the big dress and the fancy reception. But I never really considered actually BEING married. I just thought it would be the same. Watching a few shows and seeing a few real life friends get married brings the concept into a perspective. Does a few words, a piece of paper and some rings really change the way a couple acts, feels, and lives?

I am now unsure if I ever want to be MARRIED. Have a wedding? Sure. But be legally bound to someone else for all of eternity... that's a long time. And to think, I almost made this mistake a year ago.. Marrying someone I barely knew, in a place I didn't know at all. Is it all worth a good party and the spent money to be with this one person forever? I know, I'm speaking very cynically, but that's because I don't even know I ever want to be married. I'm so young, and he's so young; Then why bring up something that may never happen... to make each other feel "more secure" of the situation? Saying you want to be Mr. and Mrs. Something-Or-Other doesn't stamp a permanent smile on your face or a feeling of love in your gut forever.

Do you think marriage changes feelings and people or is it just a title?

Sew It Shut

Things have been very very... productive lately. I stopped blogging because I didn't have much to say about anything or anyone. 

I'm not even sure if I do right now. I'm writing because I just feel like writing. I've started to think about how much I care about certain things and how much I truly don't care about a lot of things. Will I ever care like I used to? When will enough coldness and hate be enough?

I'm not sure if those things will ever happen, but I do know the things I care about are what make me wake up in the morning and be who I need to be for whoever is still around.

I've started drawing more and trying to see art in more things, like I used to. Picking at my brain for inspiration is becoming easier with more things I see and how I interpret them.

Living on my own has given me this great feeling of an anvil being lifted off my chest, but now there is a large boulder in it's place. This boulder? The burden of rent, more bills, and worrying if my roommate is going to be pay rent this month.

Since getting my license back I have: Moved out, In the process of getting a third job, and have become more involved in my thoughts, creatively and emotionally.

The more I think about being with him for the rest of my life, the more I can actually picture it. He means the world to me, and no one knows but me, how truly loving and caring he is.

This surprises me because I don't remember the last time I smiled, laughed, and felt in love. It's like a whole new feeling. Why didn't I find this sooner? Why was I even trying to fight the feelings?

Oh right, because the asshole before him lied and lied and lied. Trust is hard to gain and give. Sealing the deal would mean forever. No turning back. Am I ready to become this one person's for the rest of our lives?

To grow old and be still in love has always been a dream of mine. Never falling out of love or ripping apart what two people have for one another, this is the step I'm willing to take for him.

This is shocking for me to say but... he is the air I breathe, the lungs in my chest, the blood in my veins and the heart pumping his love through every cell in my body.

I will never let this go. He is my everything. Will we be happy forever? Will our love ever die? I don't know, He doesn't know. But we do know that for as long as we're together, we belong to each other.

His soul fits mine.