Let Them Eat Sqaush.

Photo By: Anna Rose.

I've been listening to Person L so much lately. They really aren't horrible, Which reminds me to download all of American Nightmare, because I love Wes. He's great. I remember seeing Person L for the first time and not understanding their music but after seeing them for three nights in a row I realize that I really like them. I need to pick up more blank CD's as well. 

To Burn:

The Fray

Travis(for anna)

The Shins

The Album Leaf

I woke up this morning with a rather upsetting and annoying headache on the front left side of my head, where the temple is.. yeah it killed. I also felt like I was going to vomit everywhere. My mother came in and asked why I was so awake so early and I told her about my bodily malfunctions. She gave me some Advil :) and a swig of Pepto for my stomach. I got a wet rag and placed it over my eyes. That seems to be the only remedy for that kind of thing, it blocks out the light so I can sleep and not worsen my headache, and it cools me down while my comforter keeps me warm, making me sleepy. I slept for another 2 hours I think.

I don't want my Mum to go to dinner without me, I'd feel bad because she'd be all alone. I don't find that very fair. Oh and for the record, Pumpkin Whoopie Pies are really great.

This time of year, Thanksgiving that is, really isn't my favorite. I mean I don't need an excuse to eat tons of food and gain weight... I end up doing that once a month when my "bill" comes. So this year it would make sense that my "bill" is on its way as we speak and I feel the cravings, the pain in my chest and my moodiness. (No one reads this so I'm not too worried about anyone getting grossed out.) I've decided that I will keep tradition and still get dressed up, a little, for this event. Nothing too special.

I'm awfully worried about my hearing on my Monday. I wish it would just disappear and I can go to work and enjoy the day like I always do. If I end up getting my license taken away, I will be very upset. It isn't fair that with my responsibilities that I pay that kind of consequence. I would, in a heartbeat, help out at the soup kitchen, food bank or any other type of community service. I will pay any kind of fine to get out of it. Whatever they need to do without taking my license away. I've been really good for these past few months and in 6 more months I turn 20 and I won't have these hearings anymore. And ANYTHING to avoid an SR-22. I can't have that, that's not fair. I'll take any stupid class again, even though we don't learn a damn thing while we're in there. I'm rambling because this subject scares me. Scares me to death.

Scabbing.

I love my best friend more than anything. She's always there for me, with me, right there to listen to anything I have to say or vent about. She's usually in the right frame of mind, I'd like to say. And so am I. We feed off of each other's level-headed-ness it seems. Our friendship has stood through so much and today she told me something that really made this past year worth fighting for. 

Today she told me that she couldn't handle moving back to Maine and me living in Massachusetts. She said that I am her family. This feeling that I felt when she told me that, I don't know, I've never felt it before. It was like an overwhelming rush of heartfelt love and compassion. I've never had ANYONE say something like that to me. I've never really thought that moment would come, but it did, and my heart grew bigger... for her. The only thing that would probably make it go back to being smaller is if she comes to me one day and says, "I think I'm going to move to Maine with him..." and then my heart will shrivel back inside its cave, never to grow again.

My heart is no longer stable to withstand the heartache of all that's happened to me. It's taken a hard beating and I don't think it will survive another heartbreak, heartache, or heartflu. (A heartflu is when you are being tossed around with mixed feelings and your heart gets sick from all of the messy feelings being sent your way.)

The rest of the day was great, made cookies, made pillows, saw Aaron, made dinner, made sleepies. :)

Now will everyone just stop crying about stupid shit and worry about things in life that really matter? Like the fact that Anna is not going to be home for 3 Days. :(

Simply Put.

Photo By: Anna Rose

I'm pretty sure that when someone ignores your text messages, IM's, friend requests... I think that means they don't want to talk to you. Bryan obviously doesn't that. He will NOT stop texting me and trying to talk to me. Anna thinks it's funny because he really didn't do anything to me. Well, he forgot that we had plans, for the second time in a row. and I evaluated his level of necessity in my life and... he doesn't really matter all that much to me.

Let's take a look at the Pro's and Con's shall we...?
Pro's:
He's funny.
He's good to talk to, sometimes.
Con's:
He's extremely perverted.
Desperate.
Shallow.
Annoying.
Nosey.
Case Closed.


I'm moving to my Father's in about a month or so, after I find the outcome of my hearing next week. I'm really nervous but I feel like they will give me the benefit of the doubt considering my three jobs and the fact that I went out my way to ask my companies for letters of support. The notice said that there is no such thing as a "work only/restricted" license in the state of NH, which I think is bullshit. Why is this the only fucking state that blows so hard? I really can't wait to move to Massachusetts. I can deal with the taxes, I can't deal with NH anymore. It makes me sick.

Come Closer.

Photo By: jls.

When mid-February hits, I will have been single for a year. Being alone has become a way of life for me. I see people around me having to be attached to someone for affection and attention. I guess I've found the answer to being alone and living with it. Work and hobbies. It's weird how my life went from constant social connection to no connection whatsoever. I alienate, of course. But I like it that way. I ignore, of course. But it's better that way. I've burned a lot of bridges and people around here make me sick to my stomach. They constantly need someone to boost their self esteem, to talk to, to swoon over. No one just looks at their life in a whole and how they feel about it, what they've done, what they're doing, what they'll do next. I'm not saying it's necessary to plan your every move, but having an idea of what's good for your life, present and future, is helpful. People thrive too much on human contact. Granted, one will go insane in course of not having any human contact, but my phone will be inactive for days and it doesn't even phase me anymore. People need to constantly be texting, IMing, emailing, talking, socializing.

When did the world become so dependent on social entities?

Shoot.

Hi.

I just watched The Dark Knight. I don't quite understand why everyone was so obsessed with it. I liked it, sure, but as far as raving about the film for hours on end, not so much. I figured that something much more interesting would have happened. I'm still very partial to the older makes, you know, the one with Jim Carrey as the Joker, and that other actor, I can't recall his name, as Two Face.

I don't think it was great of them to put "Two Face" in there for only less than half the movie. It doesn't end a lot of the scenes very well. Like when the Joker crashed the benefit for Harvey Dent and Batman swooped in and handled the situation, ended up saving Rachel and then it just cuts to the next scene... What about Harvey in the closet? What about the Joker still upstairs searching for Harvey? Some scenes didn't have closure and I wasn't too pleased with that.

Overall, I thought it was a good film, decent. I don't understand what all the hype was about though. I've seen plenty of other good movies. There was no need for everyone to build it up in my head that it was going to be "the sickest movie ever!". No, no it was just okay.

It's freezing here. 31 degrees to be exact. I'm wearing a long john shirt, pj pants and shorts underneath, also contemplating on wearing a second pair of socks. I still have to pick Anna up from work soon. I'd rather not, but I figure I'll be up for a while anyway considering I have no work tomorrow til later.

I called Dawn about my issue and she said that she would gladly help me out with a letter and letterhead. I really appreciate them doing this for me. A suggestion from my mother's co-worker was to offer hours of community service. I would GLADLY accept that. Now that the holidays are coming, and I've already worked in Food Banks when I was younger, it would be a great deal to accord to.

My new tattoo looks great. I don't have any photos of it yet, I don't feel the need to. Once it is all colored in a few months and looks better than just an outline, then I will show the internet world, but for now I'm okay with just people I see, seeing it.

x.

Blank Page

Photo By: jls.

I have a tattoo appointment this tuesday. It's going to cost me 400.00 for the outline and to start some shading for about 5 hours. I'm really nervous and excited but I have faith in Dave. I drew up what I thought was a good starting point, and he kinda shot it down. I didn't want it to look like traditional flash work and I didn't want it to look so real, I wanted it to look like an illustration. I'm excited to get an owl on me. It's going to be so pretty. I really wish Mike was home but I know he is having tons of fun in the UK. He better bring me back something good.

Lorelai and I just sat in silence for about 20 mins. It's not that I don't want to talk to her, it's just we both have nothing to talk about. I'm deathly tired anyway. I don't know why either. I had a red bull and it pretty much didn't effect me whatsoever. So now I'm "blogging" and listening to Fleet Foxes, which reminds me to check my last.fm after this. I never keep up with that anymore even though it's a really great site to broaden your musical horizons. I've been listening to a lot of Silversun Pickups today and yesterday. I forgot how obsessed I used to be with them.

I don't know if I should read, do laundry, take a nap, cross stitch or watch a movie... which also reminds me to check out that site that Uncle Dan gave me, Hulu.com. He said that there are a good amount of movies and TV shows that I can watch on there. When I get rich (hahaha) I'm going to have the BIGGEST movie collection ever. I love to watch movies and read. I get really caught up in the characters and such. It's a great way to excerise the imagination and mind.

My eyes hurt.

Begin.

I've never blogged before, and have never thought about it. I came across this site and decided it would be a great way to start something new in my life and to organize some creativity building up in me. I hate using deviant art and such because it's just like MySpace, but for artists. I'd rather keep my thoughts separate from livejournal, deviant art, myspace and facebook. Too many people use those sites and here I'm sure I can find better feedback about my ideas and problems.

The first few things I've been thinking about lately is getting more tattoos (and finishing the one I have started) and creating more art. I haven't been as creative or as productive as I thought I would be since dropping out of college. I just feel so uninspired and busy all the time, that when I sit down to draw or do anything, I get sidetracked with other thoughts and problems. Illustrating isn't as easy as it used to be. I used to be bursting with ideas and now I'm fresh out of anything interesting.

I've been wondering why this is, and I've come to the conclusion that I'm going through a drought. All I can do is wait for something good to come to mind. Something worth developing and spending time on...